To Make a Pearl
by Exclusive Amanuensis
Summary: Have you ever gotten a grain of sand in your eye? It's amazing how something so small can be so hugely irritating.
1. The World is Your Oyster

The following disclaimer applies to all chapters: These characters, places, and all that good stuff are not my own. My sincerest gratitude to their creator.

**The World Is Your Oyster...****Or rather, Suna**

Have you ever gotten a grain of sand in your eye? It's amazing how something so small can be so hugely irritating. I wonder if it is that painful for oysters. One teensy little grain of sand inside, or any little irritant really, and they can't stand it. So they take defensive action: they start layering it with coating after coating of nacre. It's a smooth substance to decrease the irritation. I'm not really sure how making the irritant bigger and bigger decreases the irritation, but then I'm not an oyster. And I'm not about to complain because pearls... well, they're beautiful.

How can something so beautiful come from something so amazingly irritating!

That's how our relationship started.

* * *

><p>"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" I batted furiously at my eye, blinking rapidly and dancing on my toes. "It won't come out, it won't come out!"<p>

"Don't touch it, you'll only make it worse."

"I know that! I'm not an idiot!" No matter how much my eyes watered, I could still feel it in there, trapped under my eyelid. I tried pulling the lid away from my eye. It allowed momentary relief, but the grain remained sequestered, ready to torment me until I clawed my own eye out in frustration.

I could see Kakashi's blurry form in front of me. Even through my saline-filled vision, I could tell he was getting bored and impatient. I didn't care. I was not moving from that spot until that grain of sand was out of my eye.

"I hate, hate, HATE the desert, Kakashi! It's hot, it's dry, and there is so...much...sand!"

"Surely it isn't all that bad."

I froze and turned to the unexpected voice.

"You save lives, counteract poisons, crush mountains, split the earth with your bare hands and you're overcome by a piece of dirt?"

I could hear the smirk in Kankuro's voice and scowled at him, still holding my upper eyelid away from my eye. "It's sand. There is a difference."

"Oh?"

"Dirt is tame in comparison. Dirt I can handle. I would rather bury myself in dirt, than spend one more second in this sand. Dirt just washes off. When it gets wet it turns to mud. It can be useful. It makes things grow. When it is dry, it powders. But Sand...Sand does nothing but stick to EVERYthing, make things gritty, and generally be a pain in my ass." There were still tears running down my check and I tried not to sound too pissed as I answered him. I think I failed on that last count.

"I won't tell my little brother you feel that way." He came closer, nudged my chin up with surprisingly gentle fingers and held his canteen over my face. "Keep that lid open, and hold still."

It worked, the water flushed my eye clean. It was still tender, and I'm sure as pink as my hair, but the irritant was gone.

"Thanks," I grumbled.

I saw Kakashi slip his book in his pouch and tilt his head toward Kankuro. "I'm needed back as soon as possible. You didn't by chance bring that..." he trailed off as Kankuro waggled the scroll in question in front of his masked face.

"Ah, thank you." He turned to me. "Sakura, I'll see you at the upcoming exams. Until then... control your temper, and try not to embarrass our village, hm?"

I snorted at him and crossed my arms over my chest childishly.

"That's my girl. Always my best student."

I rolled my eyes. "Just get going, old man."

He faked wounded. "Such disrespect." His eye quickly wrinkled into a friendly look though, and with a final wave and half-hearted two finger salute to Kankuro, he was on his way back toward the cool shade of the forests that I longed to be back in.

Kankuro shook his head. "Your team has always had the weirdest dynamics I've ever seen."

I shrugged. "They're my family. It's like I have brothers and a weird, but pretty cool uncle that teaches you to do all those things that your parents would hate." I smiled. "Though we aren't much of a team any more. With Naruto as Hokage, and Sai training anbu, we never go on missions together anymore. Kakashi does mostly solo work, and I'm lucky if I make it out of the hospital."

"Life moves on." He turned toward the direction he came from. "Come on, let's get you into the village and get you settled. I'll show you our medical facilities, and introduce you to our man in charge of poisons."

I smiled, and we started off.

* * *

><p>Suna had been asking for me basically since I saved Kankuro's life from Sasori's poison. Wow, did that ever seem like forever ago! So much had happened in the following ten years. Naruto was acting Hokage, living his life-long dream. Our village had been destroyed and rebuilt was finally thriving again. Our ties with other nations were stronger than they had ever been. And I was spending half my time healing in the hospital, and the other half running it. And to top it off, I had even trained a few medics along the way, just as Tsunade had trained me.<p>

I glanced that the man next to me as we walked into Suna's headquarters. It was weird, not seeing him all dressed for battle. He had no paint on his face, and only one of his large scrolls on his back. When we got inside, he pulled his hood off, letting his unruly brown hair free. It was nice to see him in a relaxed state. I had only ever seen him under more tense circumstances. I thought that perhaps my time in Suna in the weeks leading up to the Chunin exams would allow me to get to know the Sand Siblings a bit better. I had always thought we might be friends, if given the chance.

This is what peace was like. For so long it felt like I had been tossed from one fire to another. But the fourth great war was over. The land, the villages, and the people were all starting to heal. It felt... good. Like maybe this is what normalcy was like.

I shook my head clear and focused on the door we had just reached. Something deep inside of my clenched just a little. I don't know why I was nervous. The Kazekage was a good friend of Naruto's. I helped to rescue him and save his life. I saved his brother's life almost single-handedly. But there was something about Gaara that always made me feel like I should be on my toes. Like I needed to try harder.

Kankuro rapped on the door twice before letting himself in without waiting for an answer. My eyebrows rose, and I followed him inside.

I saw a mass of brick-red hair turned over a desk full of papers.

"The purpose of knocking, Kankuro, is to request permission. If you do not wait for that permission to be given, then why even bother knocking in the first place?" He never lifted his eyes up, but continued with whatever scroll he was working on.

Kankuro grinned impudently. "Because you get pissed when I don't knock at all."

Gaara sighed and looked up from his work, putting his pen on his desk. "Haruno Sakura."

I bowed slightly from the waist. "Kazekage."

He cocked his head to one side slightly and peered at me from black-rimmed eyes. "Were you attacked?"

That caught me off-guard. "Huh?" I glanced at Kankuro only to see him grinning.

Gaara cleared his throat. "Your eye. It's all pink and puffy. Did you get into a fight already? Naruto told me you had a bit of a temper."

I cracked my knuckles and counted to ten in my head. Damn that Naruto. "No, Kazekage."

He blinked at me, and Kankuro chuckled. "She got into a battle with a grain of sand. The sand won."

He blinked again. "You are a world renown medic. Yet you cannot remove a grain of sand from..."

"We're letting it go now!" I exploded. "New subject!"

He cleared his throat and looked down at his desk again before speaking. "Of course. You are here to work with our poison research facility. Suna has long held a reputation for our knowlege in the poisons field. We have access to a more vast array of poisons than any other village. And, until Tsunade and then you came along, we had more knowlege in the field of antidotes as well. However, most of our seasoned experts failed to pass on a true understanding to our younger generations. We are in need of some proper retraining. Our staff is smart and capable, but they lack a true poisons master."

He looked me in the eye. "I want Suna to reobtain its former standing in this field. A great deal of our weapons and tactics rely on the use of poisons. The agreement I have with your Hokage is that he would send his best poisons specialist to help train my staff, and in return I would send back with said specialist any new chemicals that the specialist saw fit to obtain. Was that your understanding?"

I nodded. I had been itching to get my hands on some of Suna's herbs and plants. Their greenhouse was a dream come true. They had exotic desert plants whose sole defensive weapon was poison. Organic poisons were versatile and an excellent base for new compounds and new chemical weapons.

"Very good. Now, your Hokage requested that I make you feel as at home as possible."

I rolled my eyes. I just knew where this was going. "Narutoooo," I groaned.

Gaara raised one of his nearly invisable brows and continued. "That is why you will be staying in our family home. Temari is in Leaf until the exams that Konoha is hosting this year. Her wing of the house is therefore empty, and there is a guest bedroom located next to her vacated one. You will stay there, and have all the privacy you need."

I shook my head quickly, "This really isn't necessary Kazekage-sama. I can easily stay in a hotel or something and stay out of your hair."

Kankuro threw his arm over my shoulders and smiled. "Don't be ridiculous! It'll be fun! Much more convenient too. You'll have all the amenities of home, our illustrious company, and a good location too. We're a short walk from the hospital." I gave him a baleful eye and looked pointedly at his offending appendage. He pulled a fake pout and sad eyes. "Unless of course you can't stand to be in our presence?"

"Oh please, if I can withstand puppy eyes from Naruto, I can definitely withstand yours." He stuck his tongue out at me but retracted his arm. "But since you asked so nicely..." It wouldn't kill me to be nice, after all. Naruto had begged me to try and get closer to Gaara in an effort to provide him with more friends. "I suppose I can bunk at your place." I tried not to let my apprehension show on my face. One extravert with obvios flirtation issues, and one introvert with...well, issues. What was I getting myself into?

Gaara nodded. "It's settled then."

I couldn't help thinking, as we said our goodbyes and left for their, or our, home that my staying in an enclosed space with two men with such distinctly different personalities might not be the best idea. I'm not exactly known for my patience. Also, I had always lived alone. Well, except for a very brief stint with Ino that we both regretted henceforth.

This was going to take a lot of adapting. I felt like that grain of sand was back in my eye, only this time it was bigger.

* * *

><p><em>Pretty mild beginning, I know. Not a lot going on. Just a basic introduction. If any of you has ever had a roommate, you might be able to see where this is headed. Nothing more irritating than when you first start living with someone. <em>

_Also... beta? The beta search area is vast and scary._


	2. Enter: Hope

**Enter: Hope**

The residence of the Kazekage and his siblings was pretty spacious. Unlike Konoha, Suna hadn't been recently destroyed and rebuilt. So it was only natural that the house, if you could call it that, was pretty big. After all, it once hosted entire families at a time, depending on who was ruling. But now it was down to three permanent residents. And one of those was currently absent. There was plenty of room for me to reside there without feeling like I was intruding in someone else's space.

Kankuro took up the entire basement. It was completely finished and very spacious - one big open space, with a small bathroom tucked away beneath the stairs. His bedroom took up only a modest space. The rest was his vast workspace. He had tables and workbenches covered in tools and puppet pieces. I had expected a mess, but it was organized and relatively tidy. There was an order to the perceived chaos.

He proudly showed me a few pieces he was developing, giving me demonstrations of the one he had just finished. And when we came to the line of vials up in his locked cupboard, I was impressed at his own knowlege of poisons. Of course they would be important in some of his creations. I just haden't realized the scope of what he knew.

The main floor held a formal dining room that looked untouched, a kitchen with a small table to the side where the siblings ate more frequently, a spacious family room holding stairs that led to both basement and upstairs, and a half-bath down a short hallway leading to the master suite that no one used.

The top story was divided in two. If you went right at the top of the stairs, you found yourself in Temari's wing, which also held the guest room I was currently residing in. Her suite was first, and from a peek inside I could see an open and airy room decorated in shades of blue and tan with an attached bathroom holding a large well-lit vanity counter. Various hair products were off to the side. The entire place was feminine but mature and calming. It was obviously Temari's oasis in a world of males. Next was my current residence, with a bathroom across the hall. Both were decorated tastefully, without much personal touch. Truly, it was like staying in a hotel room. I liked it, though. It was full of different shades of greens and browns. It was earthy, and reminded me of the forests of Konoha.

If you went left, you reached Gaara's wing. Kankuro only gave me a cursory walk-through, to give the Kazekage his privacy. His bedroom was at the end of the hall, and though we didn't go in, I did get a peek of his office next door. Kankuro said it had once been another bedroom, but when Gaara took his position, he stayed in his office until all hours. So Temari insisted on creating an office space for him in the house so he would actually come home once in a while. It was simple, with dark wood furnishings and burgandy drapes and accents.

When Gaara did come home that first night, he found Kankuro and I in the kitchen. I was lounging in one of the four chairs placed around their round table watching Kankuro cook. I turned wide eyes to him as he came in. "I still can not believe your brother can cook. He kept insisting that he did all the cooking when I asked but..." I shook my head in amused wonder.

Gaara's lips lifted slightly. "Temari and I were surprised as well, I assure you."

Kankuro rolled his eyes and continued sauteeing the vegetables. "I don't know why everyone is so shocked. It's not like cooking is hard."

I laughed and shook my head as I ran my fingers through my hair. I needed to trim it. It fell between my shoulder blades and was constantly tangled. It would only get worse in Suna, the land of wind, sun, and sand.

Gaara leaned slightly toward me. "I burned soup. They haven't let me touch the stove since."

I gaped at him momentarily, stunned. Gaara... he was joking with me! After getting over my initial surprise, I burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't see you cooking. And the thought of you standing in front of a stove in an apron with smoke billowing from canned soup is just too much!"

He grimaced. "I assure you, I would never wear an apron."

"Hey!" I turned my head to our current cook, who gestured toward his person with a spatula in his hand. "Aprons can be manly. I make this look damn sexy, thank you very much."

I smirked and eyed him discreetly as he moved about the kitchen. He had a simple black apron folded and tied about his straight hips. He wasn't wearing his typical shinobi attire. Instead, his long legs were draped in khaki, his feet in simple black sandals, and he had on a white shirt. His sleeves were rolled up past his elbows, and I took the moment to appreciate his bare hands and forearms. They were definitely masculine, but very graceful. I could see each movement reflected in the muscles there beneath that tan skin. All of that puppet work - it left him with well-toned arms and fingers that looked agile and skillful.

I cleared my throat and looked at the table in front of me._ 'Damn sexy, indeed.'_ I remembered the first time I had seen Kankuro sans shinobi paint and outfit. I wouldn't have recognized him. In the severity of the moment, I didn't have time to dwell on his features much, but I could remember even after all these years - the man had muscle beneath all of that saggy black cloth. And his shaggy brown hair, slightly longer now, was surprisingly soft. Very thick, but soft.

I shook those thoughts away. They would only lead to trouble, as I was about to be living with the man and his brother for the upcoming weeks.

Turning to the brother in question, I was startled to realize he had been watching me specutively. I blushed, caught. He raised one brow but let me simmer in my embarrassment in silence.

* * *

><p>Dinner was... different. Gaara didn't know how else to describe it. The food was good, of course. Kankuro wasn't kidding when he said he could cook, which is something Gaara was always grateful for. He and Temari were nearly hopeless in the kitchen. His sister could handle the basics, but nothing beyond that. And Gaara, while accomplished in killing, fighting, and dealing with obnoxious council members, didn't know the first thing about domestic things like cooking. Or making conversation, it would seem. Though in that he was improving.<p>

Conversation about business matters, he could handle. He always knew what words to use when threatening, reasoning, or giving orders. But casual conversation? He was still adjusting.

Sakura, to give her credit, tried her best. She was obviously well-versed in the business side of running a village, something Gaara guessed she picked up from being Tsunade's apprentice, and Naruto's best friend. And when conversation was of such things, Gaara held his own with relative ease.

But when she and Kankuro veered off into topics of a more social nature, Gaara could only listen and observe, forever excluded from such normalcies.

They were both currently laughing about Konohamaru's latest attempt to prank his Hokage.

"And then," Sakura wiped tears from the edges of her eyes, still giggling, "'Poof!' Gone! They just disappeared in smoke."

Kankuro gasped, laughing. "No! In front of the whole assembly?"

Sakura nodded, still laughing. "Yes! Every single jounin in Konoha, and the visiting dignitaries from Mist!"

Kankuro doubled over. "What did he do?"

"What Naruto always does. Ploughed through. Oh, but he was mad! He stood behind the podium the entire time, and when he was done speaking, he turned beet red, and marched right off the platform, with nothing on but his undershirt, boxers, and shoes. The visiting nin didn't know what to think, and half of our jounin were embarrassed, the other half just trying not to laugh."

"And you?"

Sakura grinned. "I think I nearly imploded while trying to contain myself. I ended up stuffing the new scarf Ino gave me into my mouth, and hiding my face in Kakashi's sleeve."

Kankuro laughed again. "Serves Naruto right for not noticing that his robes were just a genjutsu."

"The best part, though..." Sakura trailed off into giggles before gaining her composure again. "The best part was his particular choice of undergarments that day."

"I'm afraid to ask."

"Frogs! Hundreds of cute little froggies, all waggling their tongues and smiling. He's a grown man, I don't know where he finds boxers like that."

They both dissolved into giggles, and Gaara smiled. Sakura, pink hair dancing around her shoulders with every fit of laughter, noticed and tried to draw him into the conversation.

"Gaara, please tell me you would never allow such a thing to happen."

He raised a brow. "I would never wear such disgraceful underpants."

Sakura turned red and dissolved into tears of laughter again.

"No, no! You know what I meant."

He smiled mildly, pleased that he was able to joke at least somewhat successfully. "I know what you meant. And no. I would never allow myself to be caught so unawares like that."

Kankuro gave a bark of laughter, his brown eyes dancing. "As if anyone would ever dare try."

Sakura looked at him, smiling. "Too afraid to mess with the big, bad Kazekage?"

Gaara cringed inside, but tried his best to maintain the casual upturn of lips, though he knew the expression didn't reach his eyes.

She hadn't meant anything by it, but it was true. It didn't matter how many years had passed since Gaara had changed his ways, strove to prove himself an honorable person to the world. He would always be unapproachable, untouchable. Unloveable. He would never have the type of relationships that came so easily to people like Naruto, Sakura, and his brother.

* * *

><p>A knock came at his office door later that night. The door was open, actually. Kankuro could show respect when he wanted to, it seemed. Gaara looked up from his desk piled with papers to see his brother leaning in the open doorway, his shoulder against the frame. His shaggy brown hair came up in spikes in the back, ones that nearly touched the upper doorframe. He had always been taller than Gaara, even after the redhead had shot up almost an entire foot after the demon had been freed from inside of him. Because the demon had never been sealed correctly, Gaara had always been a sickly-looking child. Fighting to keep control almost constantly had left him scrawny, pale and bitter. And short. His body had never flourished under the constant onslaught of rage.<p>

However, once he was able to sleep properly, take care of himself properly, Gaara had grown. Though he was still not as big as his older brother, he was no longer wiry and small. He now stood 5'10 to Kankuro's 6'2.

He acknowleged his brother with a nod before returning to the mission scrolls before him.

"She didn't mean anything by it. You know that."

Gaara didn't pretend not to know what he spoke of. Nor was he surprised. Kankuro had proven long ago that he was very observant in regards to his younger brother. "I know."

He heard Kankuro sigh and move into the room to sit in one of the chairs opposite his desk.

"The people love you."

"They fear me. But they also respect me. That is all I can expect."

Kankuro scowled. "You're wrong. They care about you. They know you're a good person. They aren't afraid of you because you give them no reason to be. They're just... unsure. People don't know how to act around someone who has been through what you've been through."

Gaara put his pen down, and stared uncomfortably at it, unable to meet his brother's eyes. He had never known his mother, but he had a picture. Kankuro had his mother's eyes, and when Gaara was ashamed of himself in any way, he found it difficult to meet that gaze. He would rather tear his own out first, before finding reproach and disappointment in his brother's, his mother's, eyes.

"Even if they were able to be comfortable around me... I don't think I deserve to have friendships like that."

"Damn it, Gaara! You have to stop thinking like that. Everyone else has forgiven you! Why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I'm a monster. There is no getting around that. I'm just trying not to behave like one. But you can't deny what you truly are. Only pretend. And I'll spend the rest of my life pretending, because it's better than what I was before."

Kankuro sighed and spoke, softer. "You _were_ a monster. I won't deny that. But not by your own choice. They created you to be that way. And then you did something greater. You denied your own natural instincts, you defied everything anyone had ever thought of you or expected of you. You denied the monstrous part of you that _they_ created, and chose a better life. Gaara... you're greater than any man I know because you were strong enough to take the very worst part of you and beat it into submission."

Gaara looked up at him to see that there was nothing but honesty and admiration in his expression. His siblings had always been his biggest supporters when he had decided he would overcome the type of person he had become. But to have Kankuro say such a thing and truly mean it - Gaara was filled with gratitude and love for his brother like he had never felt before.

People had admired his skill and ability to fight before, but never the person he really was inside.

"But the demon is gone now, and you no longer have to fight it. Maybe you should start putting some of the energy you spent battling yourself and battling Shukaku toward forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy what you've worked so hard for. You won the fight a long time ago, Gaara. You're not a monster anymore. You've taken back your life, so go enjoy it."

Kankuro stood and left, but not before ruffling Gaara's hair. He endured it, because it was as close to a physical display of affection as the brothers had. They weren't exactly a hugging family.

It was a long time into the night before Gaara realized he hadn't touched any more of the paperwork on the desk in front of him. His thoughts were on what his brother had said. People did not know how to interact with him. And he did not know how to interact with them. So maybe all everyone needed was practice.

So he was resolved. He would practice. He would start with the one who had accepted another jinchuriki readily. Sakura was one of Naruto's precious people. Perhaps, in time, Gaara could have some precious people as well.

_'I don't know that I can ever fully forgive myself. But maybe... maybe there is more to this life I've built than what is already there. Maybe there is still... hope.'_

* * *

><p><em>Woohoo! Chapter 2 is up. Most of this story is from Sakura's point of view, but I will also be sliding in some third person omnicient to get a glimpse of Gaara and Kankuro as well. Hope it flowed alright. <em>


	3. A Trust is Formed

**Enter: Hope**

I had met some of the hospital staff before, of course, and was already pleased with what I found. Those that remembered me treated me with awed respect. If I wasn't already used to this type of deference, I would have felt awkward. But people find something amazing in the healing arts. When you bring someone back from the brink of death, it leaves in impression. It is also very hard not to let all that amazed gratitude and wonder go to your head.

But I remember the little girl with the large forehead who always lagged behind her teammates. I remember the simpering little fool that fawned over the most popular boy, just because every other girl did as well. These memories kept me humble.

So, in no time at all, I was able to build relationships with these brothers and sisters in the medical profession. I taught them what I knew, and they in turn shared their techniques. They had a great deal to teach me, actually. I knew a variety of advanced medical justsus, yes, but their knowledge of quick fixes and tricks would prove immensely useful. They had so many practical ways to treat a wounded shinobi in the field, a better understanding of some of the natural elemants that I don't see on a regular basis. Many of their techniques could be used by anyone, shinobi or not. All of our shinobi in Leaf were trained in basic first aid, but even I was unaware of some of the ways a person could manipulate the natural elements around them in order to save a life or limb.

My favorite trick was one that almost any shinobi could do, and yet I had never thought of something so simple and effective. A sand cast. By using a simple water jutsu, and leaving what basically equaled a chakra netting, you could not only stabilized broken bones, but also stop major bleeding. The water helped to mold the sand, and the chakra web held it firmly together. I kept thinking about how it would make a fantastic neck brace while transporting an injured comrade, and wondering if it was as effective with plain dirt.

I also got a better look at their greenhouses. They had so many! Admittedly, they didn't have a good natural climate for growing like we did in Konoha, so it was only rational that they have more. But I still thought it a wise investment to start a few more greenhouses ourselves.

Their desert flora was what I was particularly interested in, and I started a notebook specifically dedicated to their properties and uses.

Most of my days were spent like this - going on rounds through the hospital in the morning, early afternoons in the labs, and the rest of the afternoon and early evening in the greenhouses. I enjoyed ending my days this way. There was something so soothing about walking in the quiet, with the plants just before I went home.

Home. After only a few days, going back to the "Kazekage's residence," or the "Sand Siblings' house," turned into " going home." And it felt that way too. I walked in the door to the smells of dinner wafting in from the kitchen, and the clattering of utensils and pans. To my great surprise, Gaara began to beat me home. I knew this wasn't usual, because Kankuro informed me thusly.

The first time it happened, we figured it was a fluke. I walked in the front door and happily bounced into the kitchen to see what was cooking, and was shocked to find Gaara sitting at the table and quietly talking to Kankuro about the day. I listened on, and went about pouring drinks and setting the table.

But when I came in the next day, I found Gaara there again, Kankuro looking pleased, and the table already set. When I looked around for something to do, Gaara glanced at me, before returning his focus back to his conversation with Kankuro and sliding out the seat next to him. I took the silent offer to join them, and was soon drawn into conversation as well.

It began to feel...natural.

Kankuro cornered me at the hospital only five days after I had arrived, after four evenings of this unnatural behavior from Gaara. "Did you say something to him?"

I shook my head, bewildered. "No, of course not! Didn't you say he was usually home for dinner?"

He shrugged and scratched the back of his wild brown hair in a way that reminded me of Naruto. "Well, yeah, but he was always late, ate pretty much in silence, and then slipped up to his office right away with stacks of paperwork. He really only came home for dinner because Temari nagged him if he didn't."

I smiled. "And maybe now he's doing it because he enjoys it. Maybe he likes the feeling of being a part of the family."

Kankuro's brown eyes took on a calculating look. "Or maybe he likes the company we have?"

I snorted.

"I'm being serious! Maybe he's making an effort to... I don't know, get to know you more."

I raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe he's just being polite because you have company?"

Kankuro shook his head. "I don't think so. I had a talk with him the night you got here. About how people don't know how to act around him, and that's why he doesn't have a lot of... you know, friends."

He looked uncomfortable saying it, but I knew it was the truth. Gaara just didn't invite friendship like others did.

He shook his head, as though ridding himself of his discomfort. "Anyhow, you don't act that way. You treat him just like you treat anyone else. Maybe he's been around more because - well, beause you make him comfortable. You give him a chance to be himself."

I thought a lot about that later. About what type of person Gaara really was, behind the formality, and the quietness, and even sometimes the shyness. I really hoped I would like him. Naruto saw something in Gaara. I wanted to see it too.

* * *

><p>Gaara appeared in the hospital toward the end of my first week there. I figured it was just to check and make sure his staff was behaving appropriately toward an ambassador of an allied nation. He found me in the greenhouses, going over some of the natural chemicals found in some of the cacti. The hallucinogenic properties were great for retrieving information from someone without having to torture or kill them. Suna's lead poison expert, Daichi, was with me, carefully explaining the care for the plant, as well as extraction techniques.<p>

When Gaara entered we both bowed, and he asked us both how we were progressing. He wasn't wearing his official robes. Actually, he looked like he had just finished sparring. I had forgotten what he looked like in his shinobi gear. His long, burgandy coat flapped around his calves when he walked, showing black pants beneath with various leather strapping holding weapon pouches to his person. His large leather strap that normally held his gourd in place was there along with two belts draped low over his hips. His gourd of sand, however, was absent.

It suited him. It accented his lean muscular build, tight around chest and arms but loose around his legs, allowing for optimum movement. The high collar hid his pale throat from view, and I knew from experience out in the windy desert that it kept sand and debri from getting down into your clothes. This outfit suited him so much more than the formal robes of his office.

And it didn't hurt that he looked pretty hot in it as well. While is official robes concealed, this outfit gave a small taste of the hidden power in his build, without giving it all away. It was... teasing.

While I did my silent perusal of his person, Daichi informed him that I had been able to give several practical courses on poison extraction. I had a lecture on the development of antidotes scheduled for next week. His gaze fell on me, then, and he asked, "Are my shinobi treating you with respect? Are they being forthcoming with the knowledge you seek?"

I hesitated and felt Daichi's eyes on me. That question was way too calculated to be a casual inquiry.

"Everyone has been wonderful, Kazekage. You have excellent facilities here, and a wonderful staff. We are learning a lot from eachother."

His eyes narrowed slightly. "Hmmm."

Well, crap. I knew that look. Tsunade used it when she smelled a rat.

I smiled guiltily and he nodded before walking briskly away.

I glanced at Daichi. "I'm going to hear about it later, I'm sure."

He smiled back sympathetically. "You should have just told him."

"I fight my own battles."

"But he is the Kazekage. He should at least be aware when they are fought in his own village."

I sighed and nodded, my pink ponytail bobbing behind me. Can't argue with that kind of logic.

* * *

><p>The truth was, <em>most<em> of the staff was wonderful. But definitely not all. And this wouldn't have bothered me, except for the fact that the small faction of medical shinobi that were not so pleased with my presence were not quiet or subtle about it. I figured that if they kept it up or got any more showy about their opinions, Gaara was bound to hear about it before I ever came and told him. But I suppose he had already heard. Rats.

Daichi was aware of the problem, and was doing his best to head it off. There was a portion of the staff that felt more protective of Suna secrets than others. I could empathize. I knew what boundries not to cross. Every shinobi has special trademark moves that they worked hard to develop and don't want shared.

But it is different in the medical profession. We train up our allies to save lives, not destroy them.

We met our real problem with poisons and antidotes. Some of Suna's people didn't feel they should share their more developed and secret poisons with another village, even if that village was an ally.

Gaara obviously felt differently. He and Naruto were adamant that their villages should strengthen ties as much as possible, and this meant sharing some secrets. If a fellow shinobi from either village died when withheld information could have saved them, there could be no greater betrayel or tragedy in the eyes of either Kazekage or Hokage.

And I agreed. Which is why I came.

Daichi had been forthcoming enough. He told me from the start that some of those working under him or alongside him disagreed with the amount of information being shared. Kaori, who was in charge of GreenHouse 5, which housed the most potent flora, and Manabu, who worked in one the labs, were the two most hostile.

I could handle bad attitudes, though. The snide remarks, the passive aggressive behavior - they were easy to look over. I wasn't the hothead I had once been, quick to boil over and slug someone in the face. Now I just cracked my knuckles, pasted on a Sai-like smile and moved on.

And thus far, the level of animosity had remained at a minimum. I told Gaara as much when he cornered me about it that night.

I had just walked into the kitchen that evening and immediately stopped, wary. Kankuro was gone, there was no food cooking. And Gaara was sitting at the table, waiting for me, his eyes hard.

"We're on our own for dinner tonight. Kankuro is out on patrol." His voice was more quiet than usual.

He had his arms crossed as he leaned almost casually in his chair, his lean legs extended in front of him. He was dressed comfortably, in loose gray pants and a black shirt. Everything about him said relaxed, but by looking at his face I knew better.

I nodded slowly and jumped when he extended his foot and slid the wooden chair across from him out from the table with a loud scrape. I'm no idiot. I took the cue and sat.

"Listen, Gaara, I would have told you if..."

"You lied to me."

My eyes widened. He didn't sound angry. He sounded... hurt. I swallowed the rest of my words.

"I don't like being lied to."

I studied his face for a moment. His eyes still had that hard edge to them, and his brows and lips were lowered into a frown. But I could detect - was that uncertainty? He almost looked unsure of himself. Like he didn't want to be having this conversation. The longer I looked at him, the more uncertain he looked until he finally looked down and to the side, away from me and away from our conversation.

Gaara never looks away. Wow. I did hurt him.

"I'm sorry."

His shoulders relaxed a fraction, though his frown didn't. He raised wary eyes to mine. It was disconcerting, seeing him like this. I had never seen him hurt before.

I didn't look away, and tried to infuse as much honesty into my voice as possible. "You're right. I shouldn't have lied. I guess I just didn't want you to worry about it. I didn't want you to step in. I wanted to handle it myself."

"All you had to do was be honest. I trust you. I trust you to tell me the truth, and I trust you to handle difficult situations in a responsible manner."

That had me surprised and I leaned back, my hands spread on the table and brows raised. "Wow."

He cocked his head, looking more confused than angry now. "What?"

I smiled. "Well, it's just that usually when I have a problem, someone is always trying to jump in and solve it for me. If I had been having this talk with Naruto rather than you, he'd be jumping out of his chair to go fix the situation before I even got done explaining what the situation was."

His lips turned up on one side at that. "That does sound like Naruto."

I laughed and nodded. "Alright, Kazekage." I grinned when he cringed. He hated for people to use his title in his own home. "I think this can work."

"What can work?"

"This." I gestured between the two of us. "We have an understanding now. It was wrong of me to assume you were like anyone else. And I apologize for that. From now on, I give you honesty. I do trust you. And I'll trust you to trust me. That's what a friendship is, right?"

His eyes widened, and I smiled inwardly. Kankuro was right. He was looking for a friend. Why not make it easy for him?

"So I will be honest with you, you'll be honest with me?"

He nodded slowly. "There will always be secrets. That is the world we live in. And I think everyone needs secrets. But not dishonesty."

"I agree."

"I heard a rumor about difficulties with the staff."

I nodded. "They are minor thus far. Just verbal barbs, petty stuff like that. Making me draw information out of them. They never outright refuse to tell me anything, they just force me to ask all the right questions."

"I see."

I shrugged and continued. "I can kind of understand where they are coming from."

"I do not. They are under orders to help you in any way possible. Their lack of faith in you, shows a lack of faith in me."

"They trust you. Perhaps they just don't agree with you in this particular matter."

Gaara sighed. "If it goes beyond verbal insults, I want to be informed. I will step in if my shinobi get out of line. They are my responsibility."

I nodded again. "I understand."

He moved to get up and as he exited the kitchen, I called out to him. "Wait, where are you going?"

He looked between me and the stairwell, his clear teal-green eyes scrunched slightly in confusion. "To my rooms?"

I smiled. "What about dinner? Our chef is out, and I really don't feel up to cooking. And we've established that you are not skilled in the culinary arts." I smiled cheekily. "Care to go out for some food?"

He eyed me carefully for a moment before nodding. "I... would like that. You don't mind?"

I frowned in confusion as I rose from my chair. "Don't mind what?"

He gazed at me steadily, and I could almost swear his cheeks started to flush. "You don't mind eating alone with me?"

Wow, was he ever adorable. Beneath all of that tough exterior was a very insecure person. It was almost heartbreaking.

"Of course I don't." I smiled and surprised him further. "Actually, I'm looking forward to it."

* * *

><p>I entertained myself with memories of that dinner the following day. I was happily measuring out herbs and humming to myself when Akemi nudged with her hip as she worked next to me. Akemi was one of the medics here in Suna that I liked immediately, with no effort at all. Everything about her was amiable.<p>

"Someone's in a good mood."

I smiled. "What makes you think this isn't my normal mood?"

She scoffed. "Oh come on. There are good moods, and then there are _good_ moods." She added some extra emphasis on that last good that made me laugh.

"So? Spill? That kind of mood only comes around when you've met someone."

I shook my head, a few tendrils falling out of the ponytail I had tied my hair into while I worked. "No, it's nothing like that. I'm just happy."

She cast me a disbelieving eye before returning her gaze to her work. "Uh huh."

I knew the interrogation wasn't over, so it was no surprise when, at lunch time, she grabbed me and hauled me over to a table for two at the side of the hospital cafeteria.

She plopped herself across from me, popped the lid off of her salad, and eyed me while she slathered the greens in dressing.

"Spill."

"What's the point in eating a salad, when you're just going to douse it in oil and fat?"

She snorted and waved her fork at me. "Quit stalling. I want to hear about this guy you met. Do I know him?"

I picked up half of my turkey club and took a bite before answering. "Yes, you know him, and it isn't what you think."

"Oh? And what is it?"

I looked out the large window at our table and smiled. "We're just becoming friends. And it's nice. Having a new friend, I mean."

I smiled to myself, thinking of how surprised I had been at the success of our evening alone. Once upon a time, I would have thought a meal alone with Gaara would be quick, silent, and awkward. But it wasn't any of those things. We actually found a lot to talk about. Admittedly, I talked more than he did, but he listened attentively, asked insightful questions, and when I questioned him, he was always forthcoming.

It was refreshing. And nice.

There was no effort needed. We actually ended up staying long after we had both eaten and talked the entire walk home as well. And when he gestured for me to ascend the stairs before him to our shared floor I regretted that our evening was over.

At the top of the stairs, he bowed his head slightly and thanked me for joining him for dinner. And when I told him it was my absolute pleasure and insisted we do it again sometime, his cheeks definitely took on a pink hue.

I was probably smiling stupidly to myself when Akemi kicked me under the table. "You're daydreaming! You don't daydream about friends!"

I blushed. "I was just remembering a conversation we had. It was nice. It's nice to have people you can talk to."

"About what?"

I shrugged and smiled. "Everything. We can talk about everything."

Akemi grinned knowingly. "That's how it starts, you know." She took another bite of her sopping salad. "The best relationships, the ones that last... that's how they start."

I smiled and finished my sandwhich, thoughts swirling in my head about dark red hair, and clear eyes that see everything.

* * *

><p><strong>drabble: <strong>_Ok, I went back and edited a few things. I know, I know. I abandoned it. Not purposely. Or permanently. I think I'm ready to pick up again. _

_I just re-read Learning to Have Fun, and by the time I got to the last chapter, I said, "What the crap? I wrote that? It's not NEARLY as bad as I imagined it in my head."_

_So, if, after a year of not looking at one of my stories, I can go back and look at it and be pleased...I guess it didn't suck as badly as I thought. I'm a pretty harsh critic. I really enjoyed it, so... sweet. _

_So, after that pleasant realization, I decided to reread these three chapters. I'm not disappointed. Too disappointed. I had to fix some things. _

_SOOOO... here's to picking it back up again. Dun dun dunnnn..._


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